Fearless

You don't scare me
I see right through your facade
Pathetic and broken
Tragically shattered and
Torn in every direction
I will not run
There is nowhere to go
There is nothing
I am not afraid
I am fearless

just keep breathing

So my birthday was yesterday. I'm sixteen now, fuck yes.

I think I'm going to go to the DMV to buy the Driver's Ed book today. Along with a phone card and maybe a shirt or something at Wal-Mart. Oh, how I love Wal-Mart.

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I broke up with my boyfriend of nine months the other day. He was nice, but really a total douchebag when it actually came down to it. He ignored me and the way I felt about things for a long time. When I mentioned breaking up, he acted like I never said it. Saying things like, "No, I'm not giving up that easily. I'm stubborn, let me change your mind."

Obviously, if I wanted my mind to be changed, I wouldn't have said anything to him.
I don't like boys anyway.

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My best friend in the whole world has been gone for what seems like forever. It's only been a week, but it feels like I haven't spoken to him in a year. I miss him like crazy, and I don't think he even realizes. Sometimes I really wish he did, though. I think we'd get along better if he knew how much he meant to me. That boy is seriously my everything, and sometimes it's really hard to accept the fact that he has a girlfriend now.

I don't know. I'm not jealous so much anymore. It's more of a motherly paranoia, if that makes sense at all. It's kind of silly, really. I feel like I have to make sure he's happy, and I simply don't trust others to do it for me. I didn't trust his girlfriend at first, honestly. It had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy. I just didn't know her.

I guess she's not so bad. She loves him, and he deserves that. He deserves somebody to treat him like the sun, which is more than I could ever do for anybody. I think they're good for each other. They're so in love, and as much as I hate to admit it, it's sickeningly adorable and I'm glad it was her that he found, instead of some dumb bitch who treats him like crap.

It took a long time for me to be able to approve of her. I know it's none of my business, and who am I to approve of somebody else's lover? I don't have that authority, but I approve inside my head, and that's all that really counts, I guess. I finally trust her with his feelings, but I hope she knows that if she hurts him I'll have to shank a bitch.

That's my attempt at humorous sarcasm. It didn't really work as well as I'd hoped...

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So yeah, that's pretty much all I had to write about right now.

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And so, it begins. Another blog. To be honest, I'm almost ashamed of myself. Not so much because of the blog... I don't know, actually. I'm too tired to write anything intelligible.

I guess I'll try tomorrow when I have a fresh mind. For now I'm going to bed. Goodnight.